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This Week's Jokes and Riddles
 
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
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The 5 Riddles....
THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN....THE ANSWERS ARE AT
THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE #5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR
BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS!!
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of
assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't
eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over
5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when
you throw it away ?
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly
you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and
plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing
is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think
about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at
it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
That one was easy, right?
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and
tomorrow!
5. The letter e, which is the most common letter used in the English
language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.
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At last, the true story . . .
Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner
when,at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to
get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned
out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President
voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this
was the best they could do on such short notice.
Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking
his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief
of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a
very good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that
the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was
starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had
to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing
through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon,
scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse. By now, the
President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so
disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the
bathroom.
He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally
found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran
in,he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica
Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.
As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard
the President whisper in a barely audible voice in his Southern
drawl,"Sack my cook."
And that, my friend, is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.
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